Hello All!
I have returned this week to share again the lessons that I have learned this week while studying for my religion course through the Pathway Program. This week I was studying the last chapters of 1 Nephi.
Study Skill
This week, my focus was on the study skill of symbolism. I looked at the scriptural text and searched for symbols and tried to understand them better. This particular section of scripture does not seem to contain as many symbols as the previous section with relation to Lehi's dream. We have now moved on to more practical events, like Nephi and his brothers returning to Jerusalem one more time to retrieve a family with daughters that they can marry. Then the journey into the wilderness begins and the trials associated with travel and obtaining food on the go. Unfortunately, in their day there was not a McDonald's on every corner. Once they reach the sea shore, Nephi builds a boat with the reluctant help of his older brothers. They then sail to the "promised land" that we know as the Americas.
In all this story, I found a repetitive symbolic phrase used to describe Laman and Lemuel - hardhearted. I decided that was about as symbolic as I could get, so I studied hardheartedness in the scriptures. I first went to the Topical Guide to review the scriptures and terms associated with hardheartedness. The See also section states synonyms that include doubt, hate, pride, rebellion, resist, stiffnecked, stubborness, wickedness. This list was perfect as it made me realize how much this applies to my becoming project that focuses on humilty. Hardheartedness is the opposite of what I am trying to become. So, I read through the scriptures and learned about how Israel was hardhearted in the wilderness as Moses tried to lead them to their promised land. I learned about how the hardhearted remove their heart from the Lord in spite of how they may choose to praise Him with their words. I wonder how often I am guilty of being willing to just say the right things and appear to men to do the right things when, in reality, I'm not willing to give my all to God.
I spent some time also reflecting on the symbol of the heart. I know that in our current culture, the heart is the symbolic center of where we feel emotions. In this context, hardheartedness makes me think about refusing to feel the emotions that are brought on by the Spirit...emotions like guilt or remorse when we do the wrong things. I know that I have been trying to avoid going through the pain of grief that has been brought on by my dad's passing in January. I am doing better, but it still applies in a small way. Refusing to feel is to rebel, be prideful and stubborn. It is also caused by fear. I was afraid of the depth of pain that I was feeling, so I pushed it aside. I no longer feel that way and know that the only way to survive and not become bitter is to allow myself to go through the pain. It is all a part of God's plan and how can we become as He is without being able to feel?
Becoming Project
This week, I realized that I was struggling to even make things happen on my goals in the becoming project, so I decided I needed to set specific times for when I would accomplish my goals. For example, I decided that the bus ride home from work would be the perfect time to spend on addressing the topic of humility in scripture study and review of the words of the prophets. I have, unfortunately, taken a few days off of work, so it has been hard to accomplish the goal, but I did spend some time yesterday in studying the topic of humility by reviewing the word "Abase" in the topical guide. I plan to study further today as well. It is strange to study humility. I find myself feeling more broken and yet I am more able to see the times when I am beginning to exhibit pride. That is probably due to the fact that God is answering my prayers that I will be better able to detect symptoms of the problem of pride in my life. It has not been easy seeing the ugliness of pride as it pops it's head up into my day-to-day life on a regular, if not hourly basis.
General Conference was an excellent experience this last weekend. I loved hearing the words of the prophet, the apostles and members of the auxiliary presidencies and the seventies. One talk was particularly meaningful to me and that was by Larry Lawrence. I loved his suggestion to pray to know what particularly I need to do to have the Spirit as a more constant companion. I have tried to incorporate that request into my prayers so that I may be more in tune with the Holy Ghost. I really want to go back and read and listen to the talks over and over again because there was a lot that hit me while I listened. If I had been smart, I would have kept a journal of my impressions. I guess there is always next General Conference for me to improve my skills on, but this year was a very tender year as I found myself in tears during several of the talks. Everyone seemed so tender over the losses we experienced. I am grateful that we are blessed to have Elders Rasband, Stevenson and Renlund who will prove in time to be among my favorite speakers, I am certain. I couldn't help but think all during last week how humbling an experience it must have been to be called as an apostle. I am grateful, in that sense, to be female!
In Conclusion
This week was an excellent week. I have been getting better about keeping my goals. General Conference lifted me to new heights and has helped me to establish new goals (ponderize!). I have also loved the scriptures and learning from them about how to face life's adversity. We are all on a journey in life and the section of scripture that we studied this week was symbolic of that journey. If we look to God and count our blessings, the journey will be a beautiful thing.
